Warning Note: Since this is unfinished and going to stay
that way, it's also unbetaed, and barely even proof read by yours truly. Read
on at your own risk.
The following comments were written contemporaneously
with the story and remain for posterity.
Disclaimer: Renpics owns it all. I own nada. Next question?
WARNING: Okay, folks the harsh
reality is I've been increasingly disgusted with both the character Xena
(note: this was originally written shortly after the conclusion of season 5).
She's become a self righteous, all knowing, arrogant, abusive, manipulative,
murderous prig, who apparently can kill anyone at anytime and still do no
wrong, culminating in her most recent murderous rampage against Gabrielle and
the Greek Gods, all in the interests of protecting her dear little
slaughtering, blood-drinking brat. Now, bearing in mind what I've just
written, if you just love Xena, think she's the greatest and truly can do no
wrong, please, for all our sakes, just go read a different story. Really. Xena
is not the hero here. I'm not writing this to piss you off or start an
argument. I'm writing it for my own cathartic reasons and it will just make
your blood pressure rise. Then you'll get mad and write me nasty things, and
make my blood pressure rise. And no fun will be had. So, really, I mean it, IF
THIS IS GOING TO BUG YOU, DON'T READ IT. And if you do read it, don't
blame me if you get pissed off. I warned you.
DARKEST BEFORE THE DAWN Part
1
by Blaze
Gabrielle turned away from the sounds of lusty sex, flushing as she stumbled
back the way she'd come. Clearly, Xena had found a way to thank Ares for his
efforts to save Eve from Athena's murderous plans. Her teeth gritted as she
reminded herself that the God of War had saved her as well. Now, that was
galling, since he was now merrily screwing her lover, and by the sound of it,
Xena was enjoying herself. Oh, Xena would brush it off in the morning, the same
way she had her liaisons with Ulysses, Marc Antony, and others. Her view of sex
as either a physical need to be sated just like hunger or thirst, or a commodity
to be bought, sold, traded, and used, left little, if any room for Gabrielle's
hurts and jealousies. And when the bard did complain, her lover always made her
feel petty and small-minded for not seeing the bigger picture. After all, the
warrior princess was wont to point out, it was Gabrielle she always wound up
with in the end.
As she moved farther away from the glade, the raw sounds of their coupling
began to fade into the sounds of the forest, letting Gabrielle get a little
control over her emotions. She was so tired of it all. When she'd first followed
Xena, it had all seemed like a dream, but in the years since, so many things had
gone wrong. Maybe too many. She was sick and tired of the conflict, the fear,
the constant nagging sense of failure every time Xena looked at her or spoke to
her with disdain in her expression.
The bard's hands fisted at her sides as she wondered if perhaps she should
just quietly pack her things and leave--though exactly where she could go was
beyond her. Her parents had most likely passed over, and she'd never been that
close to them in the first place. The few friends she'd had independent of Xena
were likely dead or untraceable. In short, except for Xena, she was alone in the
world.
Not that she wasn't alone with Xena. They hadn't touched in
months--decades, if one figured in twenty-five years of unconscious
sleep--barely even spoke most days, and yet Xena still glared at anyone who came
near her, her possessive nature driving her to maintain a hold on something
Gabrielle had a hard time believing she even wanted anymore.
A particularly loud cry of pleasure broke across the night.
God, she didn't even bother to be quiet about it anymore. Gabrielle ran a
hand through her hair, massaging the back of her skull, where a hint of
tenderness still remained, reminding her of her own near death. Her heart
softened a notch as she remembered waking to the sound of Xena's voice telling
her she was the purest thing in her life.
Maybe Xena was right and she was being petty and unfair. After all, she
had tried to kill Eve, Furies or no, and Ares had saved their lives. She
massaged her temple as she kept moving, wishing she could remember better, but
it was all a fuzzy blur. Maybe her life would make more sense if she could just
understand what had happened to them all.
Another harsh cry reached her ears, the sound one Gabrielle recognized
instantly. Xena's definitely in prime form tonight, the thought ran
through her head before she could call it back, and she kept walking; walking
until her feet hurt, the tears on her cheeks were dry and she was either far
enough away that she couldn't hear them anymore, or they were taking a break
between sessions. Emotionally battered, physically exhausted, and more than a
little heartsick, she collapsed onto a downed tree, letting her head fall into
her hands and just sat there, not quite crying, but also not quite not crying.
She didn't realize she was no longer alone until a warm hand landed very
lightly on her shoulder. For the briefest second, the bard thought that it was
Xena, that she'd made some kind of mistake and her lover had followed her and
wasn't actually having sex with Ares. The hope was dashed the instant she caught
sight of loose blond curls and sympathetic eyes, not to mention a great deal of
scantily covered skin. "Aphrodite?" The bard was surprised to see the
Goddess of Love, but also relieved to see that she was still alive. Xena had
only briefly told her what happened during the confrontation with the gods, and
Gabrielle had little memory of anything since tracking Eve's journey through the
desert. She liked Aphrodite. The goddess had managed to do something none of the
others of her kin seemed capable of, and been both a decent person and a true
friend. Despite everything, she had no doubt that the goddess was not there to
make another attempt on Eve's life. Gabrielle doubted the goddess of love was
capable of smashing a bug, let alone murdering a human being.
She sank down on the log next to Gabrielle, her eyes running over the
mortal's slender frame, taking in her tear-stained cheeks and red-rimmed eyes
with a frown. "I just wanted to check on you," she said softly. "Y'know,
after...everything...that...happened...."
Gabrielle nodded in understanding, noticeably subdued as she sighed,
"I'm fine...really."
"You look it," Aphrodite observed dryly as she reached out to brush
the bard's bangs back from her eyes, noting the remains of tears, then her
expression softened, her eyes sad. "You are sooo not fine." She
shook her head, hating the pain that had been inflicted on them all. "I
hate seeing you like this." She took a seat next to the bard, wrapping her
arms around her torso as if to ward off an invisible chill. "No one should
hurt like this...it's all so...wrong."
The bard offered a watery smile. "Well, it doesn't seem to be something
any of us have much choice about." She turned to look out at the forbidding
darkness of the surrounding forest, breathing in the fresh scent of greenery and
the nearby sea in an effort to banish the stench of blood, fire, and burned
flesh from her memory. "Certainly I haven't gotten to make any choices in
this mess." The bitter words were punctuated by a hollow laugh that made
the goddess flinch.
A long moment of silence followed before Aphrodite spoke cautiously,
"What's happened?"
Gabrielle swallowed back the threat of tears, struggling to keep her voice
level as she answered. "Xena's showing Ares her own particular brand of gratitude
for saving Eve and I." Despite her best efforts she couldn't hold back a
grim bark of laughter.
Aphrodite frowned in brief confusion, "Oh?" then more deeply as the
import of Gabrielle's words sank in. "Oh." The goddess's
expression became questioning. "Ares...saved your life...but...he's the one
who...." she trailed off. "He tried to kill Eve. I saw him when I was
looking after your head wound. Xena was fighting the others--I couldn't be a
part of that--and I didn't want you hurt, but I couldn't help her
either." The goddess looked away, her eyes full of tears as she remembered
once again that Olympus was nearly decimated. "Whatever else, Athena and
the others are...were...they were my family."
Startled, Gabrielle turned to stare at Aphrodite. "When you...what are
you talking about? You were there? Xena never said anything."
The goddess' expression became distant. "I was there." Again she
looked away and there was shame in her eyes. "I didn't want Athena and the
others to use you that way--the Furies--that was just wrong..." she said
hesitantly, visibly braced for the bard's anger. "I've just never been able
to stand up to them...not that they'd listen anyway. I know what they think of
me." She looked up again, relieved to find her mortal friend merely staring
at her, her expression plainly confused. "That's why I came to you during
the fight." She reached out to brush Gabrielle's cheek tenderly. "You
were already hurt--I'm so sorry about that--all I could do was take you
somewhere safe. I couldn't heal you without Athena's blessing."
Gabrielle stared at Aphrodite for a long moment, trying to reconcile what the
goddess was saying with what little Xena had told her and not succeeding. None
of it made any sense. "Tell me everything you know," she requested
after a beat. "Please. Xena didn't really tell me...much...and I don't
really remember...."
Aphrodite was silent for a long moment, sensing that she was about to the
bearer of bad tidings, which wasn't her style at all. She was more a fuzzy,
happy tidings sort of goddess. "Are you sure? It's pretty...ugly..."
she questioned, wondering if maybe it would be better if Gabrielle didn't learn
the sordid details if she didn't already know them.
The bard nodded. "I need to know." Then maybe she would understand
the conflicting emotions burning in her breast.
"All right," the goddess exhaled, her tone a hesitant match to her
worried expression. And so she told the bard everything she knew from the
arrival of the Furies to the moment she'd left Xena, Eve, and an unconscious
Gabrielle in the hallway outside the Main Hall in Olympus, to a sketchy account
of the final confrontation with Athena. At some point, Gabrielle held up a hand,
the gesture drawing the goddess to a halt. She'd heard what she needed to know.
"Thank you," the bard said raggedly.
Aphrodite could understand Gabrielle's shock over the way events had played
out. The effects were still reverberating among the surviving gods and demi-gods.
"I'm sorry I didn't go with you," she apologized. She had wanted to,
had even thought of doing so, but hadn't quite had the courage. "I...I
didn't want to leave you there...I just...no matter what happened, people I care
for were going to get hurt, and I...I didn't want...." She trailed off
fighting tears and was startled a second later when Gabrielle's hand landed on
her shoulder, offering a comforting squeeze.
"It's not your fault," she breathed, pale with shock. "She
didn't tell me." She massaged her temple as if to assuage a fierce headache
throbbing there, though the pain was more spiritual than physical. Obviously,
Xena had left out some crucial details. But then they'd hardly spoken since
exiting Olympus. Their brief time since leaving the home of the Greek gods had
first been chaperoned by Eve, then shattered at nightfall by Ares' arrival.
Xena's haste to slip off with the God of War under the guise of, "We have
things to discuss," and "We owe him our gratitude," then pointing
out, "He saved Eve's life," just for good measure, though the,
"...and yours," had had a distinctly afterthought sort of quality to
it. It had left Gabrielle with little, if any, doubt where she presently rated
in Xena's life. She was still lost in thought when Aphrodite started to speak
again.
"If I had just--"
"She'd have killed you too," Gabrielle cut her off bitterly, and
then a horrifying thought struck the bard. "Cupid, Psyche, and Bliss...are
they--"
Aphrodite pressed her fingers against the bard's lips, silencing her.
"They're okay. I made Cupid take his family somewhere safe...that's why I
was there. It was Ares' and Athena's price for agreeing to leave them out of
it." For a brief second, her eyes grew cold, giving the bard a tiny hint of
the power that went with being a god, even one as seemingly harmless and caring
as the goddess of love. "If she had harmed them...." She left
off without elaborating, but her expression left Gabrielle wondering which of
the two mothers would have won the confrontation. For all of the sometimes
featherweight image she presented, Gabrielle had seen on several occasions there
was more to the goddess that met the eye.
Gabrielle slid her hand down, covering Aphrodite's hand with her own,
comforted by the warmth of her skin. "I'm glad they're okay. And I'm so
sorry about Hephaestus...and the others...so sorry for your loss." She fell
silent, not knowing what else to say. She considered Aphrodite a friend, but
they had wound up on opposite sides of a war that neither of them wanted, and
they'd both experienced so much pain because of it. She reached up, fingers
tracing the flickers of tenderness to find the path Xena's chakram had carved in
her skull. Xena's chakram had carved in her skull. Gabrielle mentally
repeated the thought in an effort to drive it home.
Aphrodite noted the gesture, her expression wide-eyed and sad. "She
didn't tell you about that...did she?" she asked after a beat.
"No," Gabrielle answered distantly as she considered how she'd
gotten the injury. That was one more detail the warrior princess had left out in
her rush to defend her actions and justify her liaison with Ares. She hadn't
been specific, but instead had inferred that the bard had been injured during
the fighting. "She didn't," she exhaled after a long beat, then
quietly added. "It was his idea, wasn't it? Making me do his dirty
work."
Aphrodite shook her head. "Actually, it was Athena's, but he was pretty
fond of it."
"And she's fucking him," Gabrielle purposely used the
profanity to describe the act as she felt the harsh burn of tears filling her
eyes. It was the only word that truly expressed what she was feeling: dirty,
disconnected, betrayed.
"I'm sorry." It was all the goddess could offer other than a gentle
squeeze of the fingers wrapped around her palm.
Gabrielle let her head fall forward, covering her eyes with her free hand as
she felt the hot threat of tears once again. "I just don't know," she
whispered hopelessly, "where it all changed...went bad...it's like there's
nothing there anymore...." She fell silent, lost in her own thoughts.
Aphrodite stared at Gabrielle's downbent head, regret clearly etched on her
striking features. Nothing seemed to go the way she wanted anymore. "I
shouldn't have told you."
"No," the bard disagreed without looking up. "I needed to
know." She had no doubts that Aphrodite was telling the truth. The goddess
had no reason to lie. Something that apparently couldn't be said for Xena.
Aphrodite's hands danced fretfully in the air in front of her. "I
just...the last thing I wanted was to make things worse for you."
Gabrielle turned toward the goddess. "You haven't," she assured
her. "You saved my life."
"I did what I could," Aphrodite exhaled, leaning forward and
reaching out to brush a few stray blond hairs off the bard's forehead. "It
wasn't enough though. What happened was as much my fault as the others.... You
were hurt because I couldn't stand up to them...." Her eyes slid closed as
she caught one of Gabrielle's hands between her own, holding it close, feeling
the reassuring warmth of live flesh. "And as much as I hate it, even I have
to be grateful to Ares for saving your life." The bard's near death had hit
the goddess hard, making her aware of her own changing emotions in the whole
situation.
Gabrielle tensed, startled by the unaccustomed wave of emotion the goddess'
softly spoken words had sparked. Her heart was suddenly hammering in her chest
and she couldn't look away as the goddess opened her eyes, staring at her as if
to memorize her every feature. "Well, he didn't do it for my
sake," she muttered dismissively and tried to look away. The goddess' soft
touch brought her head back around.
Aphrodite stroked the bard's soft cheek tenderly. "He had his reasons.
He always does." She rubbed her thumb along the outline of Gabrielle's
lower lip then down to the point of her chin. "But your life is more
important...at least to me...."
Gabrielle's blood was suddenly roaring in her veins, making her aware of
feelings and desires that she'd almost forgotten she could even feel. She
swallowed hard, wondering at her own thoughts. The goddess would probably be
appalled--by the gods, she'd only just lost her husband--and it was probably
nothing more than a reaction caused by extended celibacy and the Goddess of
Love's very obvious charms. Certainly, it couldn't mutual, or even remotely
real. After all, by all rights she was this woman's enemy--her lover had wiped
out much of the goddess' family....
And yet they were sitting together, sharing sympathy, caring, and now.... And
now what? Gabrielle was far from certain, but she sensed a chasm spreading open
in front of her. Oh, this was not good. It could only complicate an already
painfully complex situation in bad ways. "I should go back," she
husked raggedly. "I promised Xena I'd see to Eve."
"Wait." Aphrodite caught Gabrielle's forearm, tugging her back
around and down before she could leave. As soon as the bard turned back, the
goddess seemed uncertain what she'd wanted. "I just...don't go yet,"
she said unsteadily. She reached up, stroking the bard's cheek incredibly
gently, then petting her hair back from her brow.
Drawn by the sweet touch, Gabrielle leaned closer until their foreheads were
almost touching, acutely aware of the goddess' nearness and the feel of her
fingers on her hair. "This isn't...wise..." she exhaled, her breath
disturbing blond curls where they brushed her own silky bangs.
"No," Aphrodite agreed distantly, "it probably isn't."
It was impossible to tell who moved first, who leaned closer, and who
encouraged the contact, but at some point it ceased to matter as Aphrodite
canted her head one way, and Gabrielle the other, and then velvet lips sought
and instinctively found each other.
The shared kiss was soft and sweet, the barest of caresses that just made
contact and pressed no farther. In those moments, Gabrielle was aware of
everything; the sweet smell of the goddess' perfume, the shape and warmth of her
body only inches away, the silk and velvet texture of the lips dusting delicate
kisses over her own and a thousand other things that nearly sent her into
sensory overload.
And one other thing, her own desire; tucked away for so long and nearly
forgotten, it flamed to life leaving her shaken and trembling. Unable to resist
temptation, she hooked a hand loosely around the other woman's neck, toying with
silky curls and feeling the warmth of her body, without drawing her closer or
pushing her away, content to simply continue the soft kiss as it was. It felt so
good, sweet and safe, and innocently erotic. The delicate caresses went on for
long moments as both women lost themselves in sensation, until finally the
goddess broke the kiss, but didn't pull away, instead leaning even closer, her
cheek brushing the bard's while her ragged breath played across soft skin.
"Aphrodite?" Gabrielle whispered, her voice rough.
"I just ... I didn't ... I mean ... that wasn't planned..."
Aphrodite gasped, sounding as shaken as the bard was feeling. Gabrielle could
feel her trembling where they just barely touched. The goddess straightened,
staring into sea green eyes. Gentle fingers slid along the arch of the bard's
brow, tracing the worried frown forming there. "I don't kn--know
what...what to--" Whatever she might have said was cut off as a distant
voice shouted out.
"Gabrielle! Where are you?"
The bard paled. "Xena," she exhaled, staring back the way she'd
come with a horrified expression.
Aphrodite stiffened, staring off into the dark forest with a combination of
anger and fear.
"You have to go," Gabrielle insisted as she turned to face the
goddess, the sounds of the warrior princess drawing nearer echoing ominously
through the forest.
"Gabrielle--"
The bard laid her fingers across Aphrodite's lips, almost painfully aware of
their silky texture as she did so. "She'll kill you if she finds you here.
Now please...go!"
"Dammit, Gabrielle!" Xena was sounding irritated now. Obviously she
was done with Ares, at least for the moment.
"She's angry," the goddess whispered. She knew what the warrior
princess was capable of and didn't want to leave the bard at her mercy if there
was any chance of danger.
"Go!" Gabrielle repeated more than a little desperately. "I'll
be all right."
"She's already hurt you--"
"She won't now. She's just annoyed--but if she finds you here and
guesses--she might just kill both of us."
The goddess froze in place, knowing the wisdom of the bard's words, and
hating it at the same time.
Xena was almost on top of them and moving fast. There was no time left for
debate.
"This isn't over," Aphrodite whispered after a beat, then flickered
and winked out of existence, leaving Gabrielle alone in the tiny clearing.
Which was how Xena found her. The warrior princess looked annoyed as she
spotted Gabrielle where she was seated on the downed log. "I thought I told
you to stay with Eve," she began impatiently.
Gabrielle shrugged, purposely ignoring the hostility. "She was sleeping
peacefully and the area's quiet. I needed some time alone."
Xena folded her arms across her chest, the pose drawing attention to her
missing breastplate and disarrayed leathers. "Dammit, Gabrielle, there are
still any number of gods out there who might try to kill her. I need to be able
to trust you to guard her when I can't."
The bard couldn't hold back a smirk at the self-righteous tone even as she
wondered what she was supposed to do if any of the surviving gods
attacked...bleed all over them? "Well, since you're the one who can kill
gods, maybe you shouldn't let yourself get quite so...distracted."
Xena stiffened at the implied criticism. "I told you Ares and I had
things we needed to discuss."
"I know," Gabrielle drawled as she pushed to her feet and started
back in the direction of their camp, "I heard." She pulled up short as
a brawny figure stepped around a bend on the trail in front of her, blocking her
way.
"Hi, Gabrielle," Ares drawled as he ran his eyes over her with an
assessing leer.
Supposedly he was mortal now--though privately, Gabrielle had her doubts--but
he seemed to have retained the oilier aspects of his personality.
"Ares," she clipped and moved to step around him. He sidestepped to
match her, purposely blocking her way.
"Well, since you...heard...what Xena and I were talking
about," he drawled knowingly, "maybe you want to join the conversation."
His tone made the nature of the offer all too obvious. The mere thought made her
skin crawl.
"Ares," Xena growled impatiently and waved him aside while
Gabrielle glared. The last thing the warrior princess was interested in was
allowing the God of War to touch her lover. Gabrielle was hers and hers alone,
and she didn't share. Unlike the sexual heat she enjoyed with Ares, her
relationship with the bard was beyond such carnal drives.
"Sorry, you're not up to my standards," Gabrielle sneered and
stepped around him to hurry on down the trail, closing her ears to the god's
mocking, sensual laughter, and Xena's annoyed, but aroused grumbles. Not wanting
to hear what was bound to come next, she sped along, not quite breaking into a
run, but almost. Hot tears burned her eyes, half blinding her, and making her
stumble on the dark and unfamiliar trail. More than once, weeds and branches
left rough scrapes on exposed skin, but she didn't feel the pain. She just knew
she needed to get away from the sounds of renewed passion on the trail behind
her.
As she ran, she seriously contemplated how fast she could pack and be on the
road, but was instinctively hesitant. Xena didn't give up what she considered to
be hers, and she definitely viewed the bard as personal property. Gabrielle had
a sudden vision of the warrior princess dragging her back by the hair to babysit
Eve while she was off in the grass with Ares. And the most frightening part was
that what once would have been unimaginable no longer even seemed beyond of the
realm of probability.
That was the image still hanging in her mind when she reached their camp, her
eyes falling on the comfortably sleeping figure of Eve sprawled amid her
blankets. Xena had called her 'their' daughter, but it wasn't true. There was
nothing of her in the young woman who had slaughtered towns and villages at will
for the might of Rome. Her child, whatever she had been, was long dead, her
soul--such as it was--consecrated to the hands of whatever deity was responsible
for those born doomed to a decided fate, though whether it was her cursed,
demonic father who decided that fate or Xena, Gabrielle had never been entirely
certain. The bard drew into herself at the remembered agony of that time, and
felt the fresh flare of hatred, resentment, terror, and most frightening of all,
love. Hope had been her child, and despite everything, she had loved her and
still wondered what she would have been had she not been forced to turn her
loose to the elements and the evil of the thing that fathered her. What might
Hope have become if she hadn't had to turn to Dahok simply to survive?
And then, before Gabrielle quite knew what was happening, she found herself
silently packing her saddlebag, rolling her blankets and neatly tying them, and
finally loading her horse's saddle onto her back. Long years with Xena had
taught her how to move quickly and quietly when she wanted to, so it was only
minutes before she was leading her horse from the camp on perfectly silent feet,
Eve none the wiser.
She had no plan, nowhere to go, just the sudden certainty that anywhere had
to be better than where she was. She'd helped Xena get Eve back. Any remaining
debts were paid. Now maybe she could find some peace for herself.
Thick, hot tears nearly blinded the bard as she led her horse down the road,
not daring to mount until she was farther from the encampment lest Xena hear and
come after her. Despite everything, she didn't know if she could resist if the
warrior princess pleaded with her to stay.
Amber whickered softly and nuzzled her shoulder and Gabrielle absently
reached up to pet her nose and gently silence her.
The road was rocky and she nearly stumbled, only to be pulled up short when
warm hands caught her shoulders, steadying her as she half fell into a slender
figure several inches taller than her own. For the briefest second, she thought
Xena had already caught her, then she looked up into sympathetic eyes even as
she realized the curves pressed against her own were far softer than the
warrior's and without the harsh barrier of leather and armor. Aphrodite. The
goddess hadn't left after all. Despite the danger, she felt a rush of gratitude
that melded into a thrill of desire as the goddess worked a hand into her hair,
drawing her head up as she leaned down to taste the bard's soft lips, drinking
hungrily. Giving way to her own needs, the bard wrapped an arm around the taller
woman's neck, leaning into the warmth of her body as she opened her mouth under
those silky lips.
The kiss broke moments later, and they both leaned forward, foreheads just
touching, both gasping for air.
It was insane. The image of Discord losing her head flashed in Gabrielle's
mind's eye. Xena would have no problem doing that again if she thought the
goddess was any threat. "You have to go," the bard whispered roughly
as she regained breath to speak.
Aphrodite reached past her, catching her mount's reins in one hand when the
mare started to dance nervously. "You can't get far enough to be safe this
way," she whispered urgently as she stroked the bard's cheek with her free
hand. "Let me help you."
The bard experienced a sweet thrill of temptation, but it was tempered by the
harsh knowledge of just how dangerous such a choice would be. "She'd kill
you," she breathed, her ragged emotions soothed by the soft hand that
petted her hair back from her forehead.
The Goddess of Love held the mortal woman close, whispering near her ear,
"I know places where she'd never find you."
It scared Gabrielle to realize how badly she wanted to say yes, but it was
all too new, too overwhelming...and far too dangerous. After everything that had
happened, she couldn't ask the goddess to risk her life that way. Trembling, she
shook her head as she braced her hands on Aphrodite's shoulders and pushed away
from her. "I can't...I just can't...."
The goddess dropped both hands Gabrielle's shoulders to hold on with
surprisingly strong hands, her voice low and soothing as she whispered,
"You're leaving anyway. This way you have a chance."
"You don't know her," Gabrielle whispered intensely. "If she
finds out, she'll kill you. She can now, and she won't think twice about it. You
saw what she did to the others."
The goddess stroked the bard's chin, then dropped a tender kiss on her
forehead. "I'm willing to take the risk. I'm not quite as helpless as
everyone thinks, you know," she insisted, which almost made Gabrielle laugh
out loud. The Goddess of Love was many things, but in a one on one fight with
Xena: Destroyer of Nations, and now, Killer of Gods, she'd be doomed. Aphrodite
saw Gabrielle's expression of doubt. "Look, I know what everyone thinks of
me...." Hurt flickered in her eyes, but Gabrielle was too lost in her own
fears to notice. "But I can help you."
The bard's laughter took on a note of hysteria as she rested her forehead
against Aphrodite's slender shoulder, sinking into the arms that wrapped
protectively around her body. "Are you crazy?" Surely she had
noticed that Xena had very recently slaughtered much of her family.
Gentle fingers toyed with the bard's short blond hair, and the goddess
pressed the lightest of kisses to her temple. "Maybe a little," she
admitted. "But I can't just walk away when you're in trouble. I made that
mistake once. I don't want to make it again."
Somewhere in the distance, a man's voice rang out with a low cry of pleasure,
the sound making Gabrielle wince as if physically struck. Ares was certainly
enjoying himself.
"Let me get you out of here," the goddess begged again near
Gabrielle's ear, her warm breath teasing sensitive skin.
Another cry, more feminine this time echoed through the forest.
Gabrielle leaned back, meeting the goddess' worried gaze, warmed by the
caring she saw there. "Yes," she whispered, making the decision in an
instant. She just couldn't do it alone anymore.
She barely heard Aphrodite's softly whispered, "Thank you," as the
goddess pulled her closer. Gabrielle relaxed into her hold, eyes sliding closed
as she hid her face in the curve of her neck, the sweet floral scent of the
goddess' perfume filling her nostrils. There was no sense of movement or change.
She'd always wondered what it felt like when the gods winked out of existence
the way they did, and as she felt warmth on her skin, and the brightness of new
light behind her closed eyelids, she realized it didn't feel at all. It just
was.
Gabrielle opened her eyes, blinking against the sudden influx of light and
peered back over her shoulder at their new surroundings. They were standing in
some kind of temple, surrounded by glossy marble columns veined in antique gold.
Overhead grape and rose vines twined together, forming a sweet smelling bower
ceiling, while the center of the chamber was dominated by a clear sunken pool
that was fed by a freestanding waterfall, though where that water came from
wasn't immediately obvious. As far as Gabrielle could tell, it just appeared
magically where it was needed. Pillows and mattresses were scattered about the
ornately carved marble floors in myriads of brightly patterned silks, and
diaphanous curtains hung from a nonexistent ceiling. But it was what lay beyond
the heavy pillars that marked the edges of the space that caught the bard's
attention. She pulled away from Aphrodite's loose hold, taking a step forward as
she stared in open shock. Beyond the realm of the temple, with its bright
colors, and warm, undirected false sunlight, lay broad expanses of ice and snow,
a great desert of white broken only by sheer cliffs of gleaming ice; all set
against a dark grey blue that seemed to be perpetually caught in the grips of
twilight.
"Where are we?" the bard whispered in awe of what lay before her.
"It's a little secret of mine," Aphrodite murmured as she drew
close to the bard's narrow back. "Somewhere to get away from the others.
Xena will have no way of finding this place," she said, already predicting
Gabrielle's fears. "Your horse is safe too...I put her in the temple
stables at Epidauros. The priestess there can be trusted to see she's cared
for."
"Thank you," Gabrielle whispered, touched to realize the goddess
had known without asking that she would care about the animal.
A long moment of silence passed before the goddess spoke. "Are you all
right?"
"I don't know," the bard answered honestly. A sudden wave of regret
and uncertainty washed through her as the reality of what she'd done sank in.
Emotionally torn, she was overwhelmed by the mix of regret, fear, and
loneliness. Once upon a time it had never occurred to her that she might flee
from Xena. Now, she was faced with the harsh prospect of the warrior princess'
pursuit. And Xena would pursue her. Of that, she had no doubt. "I shouldn't
have let you get involved."
"It was my choice," the goddess answered simply, her tone giving
away none of her own confusion or fears.
"I know her," Gabrielle said softly, her voice thick with
exhaustion. "She won't give up easily. If Ares can find this place, she'll
make him bring her here."
A note of wry humor threaded through Aphrodite's voice as she answered,
"Y'know, I really don't think Ares is going to be in a hurry to find you.
Besides, she has no way of knowing you're with me."
Gabrielle stared out at the windswept snow desert that lay beyond the
confines of the temple, silently envisioning the look on her lover's face when
she realized she was gone. She would be furious. And she'd read the signs, track
them until they disappeared and very probably guess that Gabrielle had had help.
It wouldn't take her long to decide that another of the gods was involved...and
there weren't that many suspects left. "She'll find out...and she'll make
him bring her here. She's good at getting men to do what she wants." Warm
hands landed on her shoulders, massaging lightly, and despite the part of her
that felt she was betraying Xena, the bard leaned back against the comforting
warmth of Aphrodite's body, very aware of the sensual curves that molded to her
shoulderblades.
"Trust me," the goddess whispered near her ear.
Gabrielle shuddered with fear as she remembered the ways Xena had already
killed off so many gods. She considered herself chosen by Eli's god for the
task, so it wouldn't bother her in the least, even if Aphrodite didn't try to
fight. "I do," she whispered, surprised to find how true the words
were. She turned to face the goddess, resting her hands lightly on her chest,
feeling the comforting warmth of her body. "But I know her...how determined
she can be...and I don't want you hurt." It was strange to realize that in
this fight, it wasn't her former lover she was worried about, it was the
goddess.
Aphrodite gently smoothed silky blond hair back from Gabrielle's brow.
"I run fast," she said with a teasing smile, then her expression
turned serious again. "And I know the value of a friend."
She used the word friend, but Gabrielle wasn't so blind that she didn't
realize that whatever was happening between them went a lot deeper than
friendship. Certainly the kisses they'd already shared were far more than
friendly. The bard swallowed hard, uncomfortable with the intensity of emotion
she was experiencing. She needed to pull back, clear her head, and figure out
what to do next. She slipped free, pacing away from the goddess. "I've got
to write her a letter...maybe if I explain... why...maybe she
won't...follow...." Gabrielle didn't believe it, but it was the only hope
she had.
Aphrodite didn't immediately respond, leaving the bard to wonder if she
thought the same thing, but finally, she gestured to her left and an ornate desk
carved in black hardwood and inlaid with designs in mother of pearl appeared,
the top sinking in rolls of parchment. An inkwell and tall feathered quill could
be seen as well. A saddlebag she recognized as her own sat on the floor next to
the desk. "Just tell the quill what you want it to write. I'll see it's
delivered."
Gabrielle drew closer to the desk, brows lifting as she noted that the quill
was already poised over a scroll. "I...she knows my handwriting," she
muttered at last.
"Don't worry, it will look just like yours," the goddess assured
her.
Gabrielle looked back. "Just say what I want the letter to say?"
She sounded very uncertain about the whole proposition.
Aphrodite nodded. "You talk, it writes." Then she folded her arms
around herself, her expression becoming distant. "But I guess you want to
be alone to do that." She paused to take a breath and Gabrielle didn't
argue. "If you need me, you only have to call and I'll come...or if there's
something you need, just ask and it will appear...food, or wine...or anything
like that...." She fell silent, looking uncomfortable, as though there was
something more she wanted to say or do, but she wasn't quite certain what.
"I'll be back later," she said at last, then light flared from within
her and the goddess disappeared, leaving the bard feeling surprisingly bereft.
Finally, Gabrielle focused her attention on the scroll laid out for her use.
"Um, I guess I should start it, Dear Xena," she murmured, then noticed
that the pen was writing every single word, and realized this was going to take
some getting used to. She grabbed another scroll from the stack of blank spares.
"Let's try this again."
It took the bard several hours and at least a dozen tries before she was
mildly satisfied that her letter might dissuade the warrior princess from
pursuing her without risking sending her into a murderous rage. She kept it very
neutral, explaining that with everything that had happened, she needed time to
think and come to peace with herself. And please not to follow her. She ended by
asking Xena not to worry and wishing her well, but carefully made no mention of
returning. At that point, Gabrielle was far from certain she ever wanted to go
back.
She read through the note one last time, reassuring herself that it was as
good as it was going to get and contained no clues as to where she had gone, or
who with, then carefully rolled the scroll and secured it with a dark crimson
ribbon. As she finished tying it off, the bard felt her pulse pick up, heart
hammering against the inside of her ribcage. She was actually doing it, leaving
Xena, something she had once thought would never happen. It was profoundly
daunting, not just because of her very realistic fear of her former lover, but
also because of the changes it meant in her life. As bad as things had been,
she'd always had the knowledge that Xena was there, and felt the promise that
things might one day get back to where they'd been in the beginning. She'd never
envisioned a time without the warrior in her life and now she stood holding the
letter that would end it all. Her mind flashed on a hundred good times between
them, and she remembered the sense of loneliness that had existed before the
warrior princess came into her life. Now she was looking at going back to that
state. It was a terrifying prospect at best.
She almost the letter up and asked to be taken back, but then she remembered
the other side of things, the lies, half-truths, and outright brutality that lay
between them; the escalating violence, and the fear she hadn't been able to
escape in far too long. It had lived with her and in her, until she couldn't
really remember what it was like not to feel it.
Which is when it struck her that she didn't feel the nagging fear anymore. At
that very moment, even afraid of what Xena might do, she no longer feared
feeling rejected, unwanted, or inadequate. It was like a nine thousand pound
weight off her shoulders.
It was time. All she had to do was call Aphrodite, and the letter would be
delivered.
Despite her best efforts, the bard's thoughts slipped unbidden to the sweet
kisses she'd shared with the Goddess of Love. Just the memory had the power to
leave her breathless, aching, and afraid, uncertain she was ready for what she
was starting to feel.
No, she had to push that back. It couldn't be a part of the choices she was
making. If it was, it made her no different than Xena and Ares.
Gabrielle straightened her shoulders, consciously pressing unwanted thoughts
to the back of her mind.
It was time.
No more delays.
All she had to do was just--
She experienced a sensory memory of Xena's hand sliding over her skin, the
beauty of her smile shining down as they'd made love during better times.
Just do it and get it over with, and stop thinking about what might have been,
she chastised herself. If only--
Gabrielle drew a deep breath, squeezed her eyes shut, and spoke a single
word, "Aphrodite," to summon the goddess.
A moment passed while the only thing the bard could hear was the hammering of
her own heart, then her eyes snapped open in response to her name, warmly spoken
by a familiar voice.
"Gabrielle."
Gabrielle spun to find the goddess standing a short distance away, more skin
revealed than concealed by the rather somber grey mourning garb she wore. The
bard fastened her eyes firmly on Aphrodite's face, maintaining a tight rein on
the temptation to let her eyes stray lower to take in luscious curves.
Straightening her shoulders, she thrust the tight scroll forward, hands
trembling slightly. "The letter," she choked out. "I don't know
if this will help...but...but I tried...."
The goddess carefully took it from her, fingers just barely grazing the
bard's, her wide blue eyes sad. "I'm sorry," she said without a trace
of duplicity.
The bard nodded in acknowledgment. "Thank you... for... helping..."
she sighed, her emotions too torn and confused to say anything else.
The goddess seemed about to speak only to change her mind and remain silent.
Finally, she looked down at the scroll in her hand, studying it as if she wasn't
entirely certain how it had gotten there. "I'll make sure it's
delivered," she promised huskily.
Gabrielle nodded, closing her eyes tightly against the threat of tears as she
turned away, wrapping her arms tightly around her body. Love wasn't supposed to
end like this. It wasn't supposed to end at all. Soulmates were supposed to be
forever, weren't they?
"It'll be okay," Aphrodite offered helplessly and rested a hand on
Gabrielle's shoulder, the gentle contact reminding the bard of her own guilty
desires, and the fact that even at that very moment, there was a part of her
that wanted to feel the goddess' arms wrapped comfortingly--or maybe not so
comfortingly--around her.
"You should go," the bard whispered after a beat, barely
restraining a wince as she lost the soothing warmth of the goddess' hand on her
shoulder. Staring out at the night dark sky that lay beyond the confines of the
temple, she missed the look of regret that crossed Aphrodite's features before
she winked out of existence. By the time Gabrielle risked a look over her
shoulder, she was alone again.
* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *~ *
Xena muttered several choice invectives as she stumbled into camp at sunrise,
only to find that Gabrielle had ignored her orders again and left the camp and
Eve unprotected. She tensed, anger suffusing her muscles as she was grabbed from
behind.
"Maybe we should find out if it's as good in daylight," Ares
drawled between dropping kisses on the back of her neck. She shrugged him off as
she strode forward, still muttering to herself.
"I told her to look after Eve. Something could have happened to
her."
The God of War glanced over at the sleeping young woman. "She looks fine
to me," he said without any affection. Hardly surprising since she had cost
him his immortality, and while she'd also gotten him a hell of a night, he was
arrogant enough to feel that he'd have eventually gotten that anyway.
"That's not the point," Xena snarled angrily, knocking his hands
aside when he reached for her again. "I trusted her to do as she was
told."
Ares raised an eyebrow, put out over being ignored. Considering what he'd
given up, he expected more than one night of passion in payment. He expected
some loyalty, but after her volcanic response, the warrior princess now seemed
completely disinterested in him. "She's probably just off in the
bushes...y'know...." He shifted uncomfortably as the thought reminded him
of his now all too mortal bladder. This whole mortality thing was definitely not
all it was cracked up to be.
Xena's eyes fell on the smoothed dirt where the bard's sleeping pallet had
been, then moved on to where her saddlebags should have been, only to find them
missing. She froze, eyes sharpening, hunting for some sign of where the bags had
gone and who had moved them. Then she moved to where Gabrielle should have slept
and she crouched down, testing the earth with her palm to find it bone cold.
"She didn't sleep here last night," she growled after a brief moment.
Terror warred with anger as she stood there, hunting for some indication of what
had happened. Had Gabrielle been taken or left of her own choice? Xena instantly
discarded the notion that the bard had left her under her own steam. She
wouldn't do that. Which meant someone had forced her somehow. Her hand floated
to the chakram on her hip. Ares was the most likely suspect to have had
something to do with it, and she was debating how best to disembowel him when
she heard the sound of approaching footsteps moving at a fast jog down the path
in their direction.
Xena leapt on the newcomer as he set foot in the clearing. It was a boy of
fifteen or sixteen, several inches shorter than she was and all skinny, overlong
arms and legs. She slammed him into a tree, ignoring his startled squawk as she
pressed the razor sharp edge of her chakram against his throat.
"Please, don't kill me," he pleaded, clearly panicked by the
attack. "I don't have any money."
"What are you doing in these woods," Xena demanded, her voice a low
growl of pure threat.
The boy swallowed hard, his Adam's apple bobbing against the sharp blade.
"I was told to deliver a message," he croaked as he held out a neatly
tied scroll. "I'm supposed to give it to Xena, the Warrior Princess."
Xena snatched it from his fingers, then thrust the boy aside, releasing him
with a snarled, "Don't move."
He stood perfectly still while Xena tore the ribbon off and read the letter,
losing color with every word. Finally, she grabbed the teen by the collar,
hauling him forward until they were nose to nose. "Who gave this to
you?" she demanded, her expression reeking of danger.
Absolutely terror stricken, he barely managed to choke out a semi-coherent
response, "An old woman. S-she was on the path and-and having a hard time.
She said was too tired to keep going and offered me two dinars if I'd carry the
message for her."
"And where did she get it?" Xena growled.
"She said a girl gave it to her on the road...that she offered five
dinars if she'd deliver it."
Ares tipped his head to one side, reading the note as it flicked by, still
clutched tightly in Xena's fingers. "Looks like she couldn't take the
competition," he chuckled, preening with male pride. "Obviously she
caught some of our performance."
Xena glanced back. "She knows better than that. Last night is
irrelevant."
Ares brows snapped high on his forehead. "Excuse me? Last night was the
best sex of your life, and it was spent with the God of War." He polished
his nails on his jerkin. "Obviously, your little bard knows when she's
beaten."
Xena rolled her eyes. "She didn't leave of her own free will," she
muttered, fury gleaming in crystalline eyes. "She wouldn't." She
turned that harsh gaze toward Ares. "But somebody obviously wants me to
believe she would. Someone with an interest in getting rid of her." Her
lips drew back from her teeth in a feral sneer.
Ares took a step back, throwing his hands up defensively. "Hey, don't
look at me." His eyes ran over Xena with suggestive impact. "I was
busy last night."
"You, don't move," the warrior princess commanded as she left the
boy leaned against the tree, then she ignored Ares as she moved to her
daughter's side, reaching down to shake the sleeping young woman awake.
"Time to wake up, Eve. We need to be moving."
Her daughter blinked sleepily, pushing up on her hands as she peered up at
her mother. "What is it?"
"Gabrielle's missing."
"What do you think you're doing?" Ares questioned as he followed
her while she readied the horses.
"Finding Gabrielle and getting her back," the warrior answered
without pause.
A knowing smirk curved his sensual mouth. "Has it occurred to you that
she may not want to be found and gotten back?" he questioned dryly.
"After all, you weren't exactly terribly concerned with her emotions last
night."
"Gabrielle knows last night meant nothing," Xena shot back, eyes
running over his muscular frame with disdain. "Just like it meant nothing
with Antony, Caesar, Ulysses, Rafe, or any of the others. Did you think you were
special?" She laughed at him, enjoying the dull flush of rage that rose on
his skin. "You were just like others...a nice randy fuck. Don't flatter
yourself it was more than that," she dismissed him with a dark note of
humor.
The former god swallowed hard, jaw clenched with fury. "Well, I think I
know why she left," he muttered.
Xena ignored the barb as she tossed him the reins from Gabrielle's mount.
"What's this for?"
"You're coming with us," she ordered him. "You're a part of
this and I don't intend to allow you out of my sight." She ran her eyes
over him. "Besides, you said I still owe you more...gratitude."
Ares watched her stride back toward Eve with an uncomfortable look as he
wondered what he'd gotten himself into.
* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *~ *
After Aphrodite's exit, Gabrielle had collapsed onto one of the mattresses,
fully intending to just rest her eyes for a few minutes only to slide almost
instantly into deep, near comatose sleep, her exhausted, battered body finally
surrendering to the practical need for rest. Unconscious, not even dreaming, she
was unaware of the slender, gauzily clad figure that appeared in the colonnade
in a flare of glittering lights.
Aphrodite moved to the bard's side, kneeling down beside the bard, to study
her sleeping features with open affection. She reached out to tenderly finger a
few strands of silky blond hair. "I won't let anyone hurt you ever
again," she promised huskily, then carefully pulled a silky comforter up
over the bard. She leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to her temple.
"Somehow I'll keep you safe." Then she rose and disappeared again.
* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *~ *
Part 2
