free web hosting | free website | Business Hosting | Free Website Submission | shopping cart | php hosting

Renewal
[ Home ] [ Fanfic-A-Palooza ]

Note: This is a really old piece that I probably should have tossed out ages ago, but there are still a couple of moments I rather like in it, so I've kept it around on the off chance I'll be in the mood one day. Considering how long it's been, I don't think it's likely to happen. Hopefully my writing has improved a bit since though.

Renewal                                      
by Blaze

Disclaimers may be found here

"I don't understand," Susan Ivanova said quickly. "If it doesn't have to do with the station, why did you want to speak to me?"

Talia Winters found herself uncharacteristically nervous. "I, just...would you like a drink?" she asked, hoping to break the tension in the room.

"No," Ivanova snapped, uncertain how to respond to the other woman's mood. "What I'd like, is to know what's going on."

"You are not making this any easier," Winters muttered under her breath as she moved to pour herself a drink. It was non-alcoholic; the last thing she needed was the added stress of trying to control her abilities while under the influence, but the activity gave her something to do with her hands.

Ivanova watched it all in confusion, tinged with the automatic resentment she always felt when dealing with any member of Psi Corps. "Am I here for a reason?" She finally asked, with growing irritation over the delays. "I mean, did you actually need something, or was this just a whim to waste my time?"

"Yes," Winters snapped with nearly equal irritation. "that is, yes, I wanted something and no, it wasn't just a whim." This was proving to be a lot harder than she had expected, partially because of Ivanova's impatience and partially because of her own hesitancy to broach the subject on her mind. She took a deep breath and let it out to ease her own tensions before continuing. "I just wanted to see if we could come to some kind of peace accord between us."

The commander blinked and seemed to pull back physically as well as mentally, her expression suddenly suspicious. "I wasn't aware there was a war going on," she muttered dryly.

"Weren't you?" Talia demanded with more bitterness than she had intended. "You hate my guts and the rest of the station follows your lead. Frankly, it's beginning to wear on my nerves."

"Life can be hard sometimes," Ivanova said with a shrug.

Winters just stared at her for a long moment, before sighing softly. "Pardon me for wasting you time, Commander," she said in a defeated voice. She was surprised by the flash of pain she felt at surrendering the battle. She had not thought success was that important until the moment it seemed to slip from her grasp.

Susan turned as if to leave, but didn't. Finally, she turned back around, her expression almost contrite. "Look, I don't hate you. But every time I look at that uniform," she swung her hand in Winters' direction. "All I can think of is..."

"Your mother," Talia finished for her.

"My mother," Ivanova agreed bitterly. "And what the people you work for did to her."

Winters stared hard into her drink. "I'm sorry for what they did...sorry for the pain they caused." She looked back up, catching and holding Ivanova's gaze through sheer force of will. "But I can't change it. I was made a ward of Psi Corps when I was five years old." There was suddenly something painfully lost in the blonde's eyes and voice. "In all that time, I've never doubted what they taught me. "

"Maybe it's time you started," Ivanova suggested gently.

Talia's lips curved in a slight, self-deprecating smile. "It's not that easy...Would that it were..."

Ivanova frowned, startled by the sudden flash of pity she experienced for the other woman. For a brief moment, she forgot her hatred of Psi Corps. "What would you do if it were?' she asked curiously.

Winters blinked, visibly caught off guard by the question. "I'd get drunk," she answered off the the cuff.

The brunette raised her brows. "Dont' tell me you've never been drunk."

Winters shook her head. "No. I've had alcohol, of course, but only in small amounts. As a telepath, it wouldn't be safe to have more."

"Wouldn't be safe," Ivanova repeated disbelievingly, "What, you might think unapproved thoughts?"

Talia seemed almost to flinch at the sarcasm in the other woman's voice. "No, I might read them," she said very softly.

Ivanova froze, sensing that she had responded badly to the situation.

After a long and rather painful silence, Winters explained," It takes control for me to keep from listening to others thoughts. Without inhibitions, I could hurt someone."

Susan frowned. "So, you could accidentally listen in. It's rude, but--"

"I could do more than just listen in," Winters cut her off. "I could force my way in...almost like rape." She looked away, her expression grim. "I'd never intentionally do that to anyone, but when you're not fully in control, you can do things you regret...later."

The commander frowned. "You're saying you can..."

Winters quirked her eyebrows in response and something in her expression made Susan Ivanova want to run for cover. There was something very appealing about Talia Winters, but also something deadly dangerous. Pale blue eyes held the brunette in place, controlling the urge to flee. The mind touch was only the faintest ghosting contact, a caress of infinite gentleness. Ivanova's hands clenched at her sides, but she didn't move...couldn't move.

It was totally against every single bit of Psi Corps training, and Talia winters knew it. By rights, the commander could have her thrown off the station or even into prison for what she was doing, but somehow, the woman just didn't seem to care at that moment. The need to share some small part of herself with another human being overwhelmed all of the usual blocks her training created.

Ivanova's mouth worked soundlessly as she wanted to say something, but the words just weren't there.

Finally, Winters let go, pulling away from the slight contact and breaking the controlling gaze.

Susan exhaled hard and seemed to sway slightly.

"Breathe deeply for a moment, the feeling will pass," Winters instructed gently.

When the Earth Force officer looked up again, the blonde was sitting on the large couch in the center of the room, legs folded under her, watching expectantly. "Damn you," she hissed angrily. "Do you know what I could do to you for that?"

Winters shrugged. "If you want to press charges, I won't protest."

"I ought to. I really ought to," Ivanova stormed and started to pace to let off stress. She'd gone no more than 3 steps when she pivoted to stare at the other woman. "What do you mean, you won't protest?" she demanded in a voice full of righteous indignation.

"Just what I said," Winters responded surprisingly calmly.

"Of course you'll protest, you're Psi Corps," Ivanova exclaimed.

"What I did was wrong. I had no right."

Unused to any member of Psi Corps showing anything even vaguely akin to regret, Susan just stared. This was not going at all the way it was supposed to. As the moment stretched on, uncomfortable thoughts began to play through her brain. Like the fact that there had been precious little force in the mental caress, and it had reached some part of her she wasn't certain she really wanted to acknowledge. She chewed on her lower lip as she stared at the other woman. Finally, she whispered, "Why did you do it?"

Talia considered the question for a moment before answering. "Probably the same reason I invited you here."

"A cessation of hostilities," Ivanova muttered dryly and folded her arms across her chest.

"Or perhaps," Winters began carefully, eyes sliding away from Ivanova's, "An exploration of other...things."

The Russian woman looked uncomfortable at that thought and she too looked away. "This is not easy for me," she exhaled after a long, uncomfortable silence.

Winters shrugged. "Join the club," she said wryly.

Ivanova started to speak, only to stop, back up and start again. Again she halted before saying anything. Finally, she asked simply. "What do you want from me?"

"I think you know that answer to that," Winters said in a rush.

Susan shook her head. "You're Psi Corps," she muttered by way of reply.

"I work for Psi Corps. I'd like to think that's not all there is to my life."

Ivanova's eyes slid closed. "Before this, the only person who ever touched my mind was my mother." She opened them again to stare at Winters, searching for something. "Can you understand what it's like for a child to have that kind of love from a parent?" She moved away, pouring herself a drink to cover her own uncertainties.

"No. I don't really remember my parents. They died when I was very young."

Susan frowned slightly as she turned back, but didn’t challenge the assertion. She’d heard rumors that children who tested positive were simply taken from their children and told their parents were dead. She’d also heard darker rumors that any parents who resisted really did wind up dead. "You must have tested positive when you were very young," she murmured, her tone carefully neutral.

Talia stared at her, sensing the wall that went between them again, though this time, she sensed it wasn’t directed at her, but rather to protect her. She stared at Susan silently. "I’ve heard the rumors too," she admitted at last. "But it isn’t true, they were killed in a shuttle crash." The denial sounded faintly hollow, even to her own ears, and she was struck by the sad look in Ivanova’s eyes. Talia turned away, not really wanting the other woman to see her doubts. She only vaguely remembered the haunted eyed woman who had given birth to her, or the angry young man who had been her father, but she didn’t want to think about the possibility that her existence had cost them their lives. She carefully set her glass aside, suddenly stuck by the barren confines of her apartment. It was clean and utterly frigid, expressing nothing of her personality. Talia shook her head silently, rather like the image she projected so much of the time. Cool, distant, unapproachable. She was PsiCorps, and that meant people feared her, and she could never allow anything, or anyone close.

She was so tired of it all.

"I want you," Talia whispered, amazed to hear the admission falling from her lips. The only response was an uncomfortable silence behind her. Finally, tired of the silence, she turned, to find Susan staring at her with wide eyes. Talia didn’t know what devil drew her, but she moved closer to the commander, reaching out to pluck the glass from her hand and set it aside. A moment later, she cupped Ivanova’s face in her hands, fully expecting to have her touch slapped away. When she wasn’t rebuffed, she gave herself over to impulse, leaning forward to taste sweet lips. The kiss started slow, the barest of caresses, only to gain fire as their mouths met and blended. Talia had dreamt of this for so long, wanted it so much, that she could scarcely believe it was reality as she drank deeply from Ivanova’s mouth. Her heart hammered in her chest, as her body responded with erotic fervor. When the kiss broke, they were both gasping for air as though they’d run for miles, and they leaned their foreheads together.

"Talia?" Susan croaked uneasily, her voice thicker than normal.

"Shhhh," Winters exhaled and lifted a hand to tenderly stroke dark hair. She didn’t have to be psychic to feel the other woman’s confusion, or the ache vibrating through her body.

Susan turned her head as Talia’s hand slid through the baby-fine hair at her temple, then down along the curve of her jaw. Her teeth brushed slender fingers as she nipped and nibbled. She closed her eyes, amazed by her own behavior. She couldn’t believe she was doing this. She’d never been one to fall into bed with anyone, and yet she found herself on the verge of doing just that.

"Touch me," Talia whispered near her ear, and Susan started to lift a hand, as though driven by the other woman’s softly spoken command. "No," Talia hissed, and lifted her hand back to Susan’s cheek. "With your mind…feel me."

Ivanova wanted to resist the softly spoken command, but she couldn’t. She needed this too much, needed to open herself up to someone, and feel the touch of mind and body. The walls shattered and fell, and her mind was suddenly a part of Talia Winters’, making love, as their bodies had yet to do. She moaned softly as she felt invisible fingers caress her pleasure centers, stroking her soul, making her feel loved and cared for.

She never wanted it to end.

By the time their mouths touched again, their minds and hearts were already bound together. Clothes were thrown aside, forgotten as they desperately sought the touch of flesh on flesh.

"Please," Talia whimpered as she sank down onto her bed, drawing her lover down with her. Susan nodded wordlessly, responding with her touch and her thoughts.

By the time morning came, they were bound together in mind and body.

But neither one could guess at the poison hiding in Talia Winters’ mind.

* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *~ *

"TRAITOR!! THE CORPS IS MOTHER, THE CORPS IS FATHER!!"

The words rang in Susan Ivanova’s mind as she froze in place, staring at the woman standing at the other end of the bar. Her heart was suddenly hammering in her chest, and it felt as though someone had drained all the air out of the room. Her fingers tightened on the glass clutched in her hand and she whimpered very softly.

Talia.

Talia Winters.

Oh God, it was actually her.

Susan felt sick, dizzy, overwhelmed with a rich blending of pain and anger.

Bester had said Talia was dead, and she’d hoped it was true. She hadn’t wanted to think of her lover living like that, as some cruel, brutal thing that was totally antithetical to her every belief. As she silently watched, the slender blond draped herself over a handsome young man in the uniform of a Psi Cop.

Susan threw her drink back in one gulp and ordered another, hoping the alcohol would do something to soothe her shredded emotions. The bartender looked askance at her, but a hard glare forestalled any comments. She was already emotionally fragile at best. Marcus’ death and her own unwitting part in it had left her feeling hopelessly shattered. All he had ever wanted was to love her, and she hadn’t even been able to allow that. She almost threw the glass back onto the bar, not caring whether it shattered or not, tossed down a handful of credits to cover her bill, and hurried toward the door.

She didn’t realize she’d been seen until a rich voice reached her ears.

"Hello, Susan."

Ivanova looked up slowly, the color draining from her face as she saw who stood between herself and the door. She swallowed hard. "Control," she hissed.

The woman’s head canted to one side. Susan couldn’t help but notice her hair was longer, and she was paler, almost ghostlike. People came and went around them, but neither woman seemed to notice.

"I’m Talia now, you might as well accept it."

A smirk twisted Ivanova’s mouth. "No…Talia’s dead. You’re nothing but a Gollem in her image. Accept that."

Control’s mouth twisted. She didn’t like hearing that…not one little bit. She drew nearer, the long, elegant body slinking sensually. She leaned close, her breath playing over Susan’s face. "Poor little Ivanova," she said with mock sympathy. "Faced with her lost love." She leaned still closer. "Do you remember all the sweet nothings you whispered in my ear, all the tender avowals of love and loyalty?" The Talia-Thing smiled wolfishly. "I know I do. I think about them sometimes…and laugh."

Susan almost hit her right then and there. Only profound self-control held her back. "Bitch," she hissed, snatching out a hand, with the intent of pushing her aside. Her hand clamped down on the bare skin above a leather glove and below the edge of Control’s jacket sleeve. The sensation of flesh on flesh jolted Ivanova, nearly shattering her barely held control. For the briefest second, she was in the past, lost in the feel of Talia’s skin against her own.

"My, but we were good together," Control whispered breathlessly, thick arousal permeating the smoky voice. The sound yanked Ivanova back to the present as she realized her walls had dropped, and the creature in the body of her lover, had seen into her thoughts. Susan could feel her still there, dark, slinky, and supremely sexy. "No!" she gritted as she clamped down, pushing the barricades back up through sheer force of will.

"You still want me," the Talia-Thing drawled knowingly, her eyes sparkling with predatory hunger.

"Just your body," Susan sneered, intentionally running her eyes over the blonde’s exquisite frame. "Past that…I rather wish Bester had been telling the truth for once…and your brain really was on a shelf somewhere."

Control’s skin flushed. She didn’t like that one either. She was a woman used to being in power, to having men and women fall at her feet. Intent on taking command of the situation, she reached out, trailing a single finger down Susan’s cheek. "I want you," she whispered suddenly, intentionally echoing words uttered in another lifetime.

Ivanova ran her eyes over sleek curves, her expression insulting. "I might take you bound and gagged…but I doubt it," she sneered and this time she did push the woman aside, stepping past her.

"All right," the Talia-Thing allowed as Susan swept by.

That caught Ivanova by surprise. She spun back, staring at the tall blond. "You can’t be serious," she denied.

"Oh, but I am," Control promised as she grabbed Ivanova by the lapels of her jacket, hauling her close. The look in her eyes was intense, wicked, and hungry. "I want you," she growled. "Kinky’s fine by me. In fact … I like the idea." She leaned forward and bit the point of Susan’s chin in a strikingly sensual gesture, not caring who might be watching.

"What’s to stop me from choking the life out of you?" Ivanova demanded shakily.

Control smile wickedly. "You won’t," she said with total confidence. "That would be too easy for you."

* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *~ *

Susan Ivanova didn't want to look to closely at what she was doing…or why…revenge, lust, or some desperate driven need to deny the truth. She didn't know which answer was the real one, but none of them were terribly appealing. She bound narrow wrists to the bed in her rented room, trying desperately to ignore the knowing grin on full lips. If she weren't so painfully aroused, she would have been in the bathroom, throwing up. A part of her didn't want this…didn't want the pain it would bring, but she couldn't seem to walk away…no matter how much she wanted to.

And then she was leaning over that long, lean body, fingers rough, teeth digging in.

Once again I quit at the sex scene, which probably shocks my friends no end, but sex is slow to write and there has to be some driving passion or it becomes like pulling teeth. Unfortunately, by this time, I just couldn't keep it moving (I think Marcus was bouncing around the show by then, and then Tracy Scoggins showed up sometime later, and it was just really hard to get my interest back up).
 

[ Home ] [ Fanfic-A-Palooza ] [ Lust in the Dust ] [ The Idea Factory ] [ FAQ ]
[ Links ] [ Disclaimers ] [ Email ]

Email: blazing@SoftHome.net